Patient Speak

The silly stuff patients say

Patients don't take classes in medical terminology, but that doesn't stop some of them from trying their hand at it. Some of their adaptations can be hilarious!  Credit to Dr. Jeck (or his patients) for most of the OB/GYN ones.  If you have more, send them to me and I'll add them to the list.

Patient says:

As in an example sentence:

Mouseover word to reveal answer

Groinocologist A Groinacologist specializes in the female organs Groinacologist
Virginia A Groinacologist spends all day looking at Virginias Virginia
Eucharist Babies grow in the Eucharist and come out through the Virginia Eucharist
Administration Every month a woman bleeds because of her administration cycle Administration
Service The opening to your Eucharist is called a service Service
Clogs When you are Administrating, you might pass clogs from your service Clogs
Fireballs Some women get painful lumps that grow in their Eucharist called fireballs Fireballs
Very Close Veins Old women who spend a lot of time standing may develop very close veins in their legs Very Close Veins
Herny If you lift something too heavy or strain too hard, you might get a herny Herny
Biblical Cord Babies get nutrients from their mom inside the Eucharist through the biblical cord Biblical Cord
Smiling Mind of Jesus Some people catch a dangerous infection in their brain and spine called Smiling Mind of Jesus Smiling Mind of Jesus
Peanut Butter Balls If you caught the Smiling Mind of Jesus, it might give you seizures and you'd have to take peanut butter balls Peanut Butter Balls
Chicken Breed She can't catch her breath!  The problem is chicken breed (say it fast) Chicken Breed
Gnomes My throat is sore, and my lymph gnomes are all swollen Gnomes
Ammonia I got a really bad lung infection, I think it's ammonia Ammonia
Porkacet (written) I am in so much pain! I wish I had a Porkacet pill to take Porkacet
mo'feen (written) After my surgery, I was in so much pain they gave me a mo'feen shot to make me feel better mo'feen
Exploratory Lobotomy They had to open up my belly in surgery to see if there was anything wrong. The procedure was called a Exploratory Lobotomy Exploratory Lobotomy
Vomik or Vomiking Doc, I'm so sick to my stomach and I keep vomiking Vomiking
Brief I have asthma so sometimes I can't brief right. Brief
Roaches of the liver I used to drink a lot of alcohol, so now I have roaches of the liver Roaches of the liver
65-Brewsters I'm worried that my kid has that genetic disease that messes up their lungs and makes them salty. You know, 65-Brewsters. 65-Brewsters
Wreck it all I was having trouble with my prostate, so the doctor did a wreck it all exam and put his finger in my bottom. Wreck it all
High Pertension (written) I don't have any problems with my heart, but I do have High Pertension, High Pertension
Fine China A good girl wouldn't let anyone play with their fine china Fine China
Based on Fluidity css adapted by Dan Delcollo